you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
