if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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