I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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