Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
