I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
