I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Semen is not good for contacts.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
