I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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