Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
