if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
