I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
