why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
