Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
