So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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