I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
