Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
