he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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