So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
