I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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