Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
