I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
