id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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