i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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