we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
