So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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