accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
