Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
