He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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