when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
