Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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