So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
