cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
