Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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