It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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