just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
