It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
