Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize