You really coming over, don't trick.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
