guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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