I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
