you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
