You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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