the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
