I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
