He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
