cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
