The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
