Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
