At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
