If that was your dad, he is hot
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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