Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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