i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
