Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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