Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
