Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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