Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
