Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
