Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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