Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
