he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize