I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
