I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
