did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
