i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
