when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
