So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
