im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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