no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
