I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
