At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
