she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
