$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
