I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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