Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
