We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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