It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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