The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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