I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
