The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Randomize
