Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
