three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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