We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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