there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He has the fingertips of a God
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