we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
