Please, let me fuck your mom
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
