You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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