Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
