Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
