I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
