Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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