Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I enjoy the company of your penis
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
