and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
